The Day I Encountered Jesus

Shortly after I encountered Yahweh, I personally encountered His Son Jesus. I remember the day as if it happened yesterday.

 

At the age of thirty-five I was happily married to my husband, Jake, and we had three wonderful boys, all under the age of five. At that point in my life I knew that God existed, because he had spoken to me through his sacred fire in my dryer two years prior. Shortly after that incident I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had also recently quit my job and was thoroughly enjoying staying home with my children.

 

Life couldn’t have been more wonderful and was going along as planned—until out of the blue I started experiencing very strange, obsessive thoughts. For six months, every time I got into a car with my children, all I could think of was that we were going to get into a horrible crash and that one or all of my boys were going to die. I had these thoughts every single day that I got into a car. I carried these thoughts with me all day long, and they got even more bizarre as the days passed. And like I said, this continued for six long months. I felt like I was on the verge of going crazy. During these six months I prayed that Yahweh would take these thoughts away from me, as they were consuming me.

 

Since God is always faithful, he answered my prayers, but definitely not in the way I could ever have imagined. I remember the day very clearly. I went to a “Mother of Preschoolers” group one morning, and the speaker of the day was talking about how we have to let our kids mourn all of the losses in their lives. The speaker explained to us that our children have to be allowed to mourn a bad grade, moving, loss of a friend, etc. If they don’t, they will stuff their feelings down deep and it will eventually affect them.

           

I was very tearful during that meeting, and I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t until I got into my car that morning that I asked Yahweh, “Alright God, what in my life have I not mourned?” Immediately he replied, “You have never mourned the loss of your first child.” His words struck me in my heart like a bolt of lightning. The truth of what he said was a revelation from heaven, since no one else knew what had happened so long ago. You see, fifteen years earlier, at the age of 20, I had an abortion while in college. At the time of my abortion, I told no one about my circumstances or what I chose to do. Also, after it was over, I did not shed one tear. Instead, I shoved my feelings way down deep, hoping that no one would ever discover the truth.

 

So on that day, after fifteen years of hiding my deep dark secret, I finally began to mourn the loss of my first child. With Yahweh’s prompting, I allowed myself to cry and scream out in pain for what I had done.

 

During this process of grief, Yahweh instructed me to tell everyone close to me about my abortion, so that what used to reside in the darkness was brought into the light for all to see. For the first time ever, I told my husband about it. I told my current friends, my college friends, and I told my parents. I had to confess my secret, so that it was no longer a secret. For once in my life, I finally had to admit to everyone that I was a sinner in need of a Savior.

           

Through the next several weeks, I had to come to terms with my Lord and Savior by my side the sin that I had committed was premeditated murder. Romans 6:3 states that the consequences of sin IS death. In the case of the sin I had committed, the actual death of my unborn child was the consequence of my sin. I don’t know how I could look at it in any other way. If I had chosen to birth the child in my womb, I would have been the mother of a fifteen-year-old child at that time. But instead, I intervened with the life that had been placed into my body. In addition, the guilt I felt for all those years had been literally eating me alive for the previous six months. The outward sign of my guilt was an obsession about death for my children and myself. What a perfect example of what the resulting guilt from sin will eventually do to a person if it is never addressed.

           

Having already birthed three children and having held them in my arms, I realized for the first time the tragedy of what I had done. I came to Jesus broken, on my knees, asking for forgiveness. And what do you think Jesus did? He forgave me, of course. You see, I had a relationship with my Savior by this time, and it was becoming more intimate as our walk together progressed. Jesus knew that in order for me to have full communication with his Father I would have to repent of all of my sins, especially those hidden in darkness.

           

Jesus was right. After repenting of my sin and receiving forgiveness, Yahweh started communicating with me in a way I had only felt once before—when he told me that he existed. Immediately all of my obsessive thoughts about something terrible happening to my children disappeared. Yahweh explained to me that because of the guilt I was feeling about my abortion, I was mistakenly thinking that since I took away one of God’s children that he would surely take away one of mine. He assured me that taking one of my children’s lives as revenge for my sin was something he would never do.

 

Through this encounter with Jesus, I came to understand that the ashes that I saw in my dryer years prior represented the ashes of my abortion. For only Yahweh had known at that time my deep dark secret, and the destruction it had caused in my heart.

 

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am Yahweh your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:1b–3a ESV)

 

Even though the consequence of my sin was the death of my unborn child, God assured me that even though I had felt the scorching heat of the fire, the flames of my sin would not consume me, just like the flames from my dryer did not consume my house. He would redeem me if I let him. Yahweh also let me know that if I followed his instructions and gave my heart to Jesus that he would start mending my heart back together and give me the new life that I so desired. And so I did. Over the next several years, Jesus completely mended my heart and made it completely brand new!

 

What Satan meant for evil through my abortion, Yahweh redeemed through his son Jesus Christ. What Satan meant to result in only death and curses, Jesus transformed into blessings and peace. What Satan meant to take me far away from my heavenly Father, has instead brought me extremely close into Yahweh’s presence. What used to tear me apart inside knowing that I caused the death of my unborn child, now brings tears of joy to my eyes!

 

What Jesus personally said to me in my encounter with him is, “YOU ARE FORGIVEN!” Jesus’s personal words to me not only saved me, but they also delivered me, healed me, restored me, and made me whole! Hallelujah!!!

 
May Yahweh bless you and keep you,

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The Day I Encountered Yahweh